That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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