remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
