theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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