I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
