I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
