Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
