I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
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