The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
