Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize