I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Bring me that man meat
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
