You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
