I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
