girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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