Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
