Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
