I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
