this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
