the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
