oh god the rape fog is back!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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