I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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