And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize