I heard we made out
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
