i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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