we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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