Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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