you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
