We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
