so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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