Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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