Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
