Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
