Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
