i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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