explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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