I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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