i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
