i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
