I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
vagina is talking i cant
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
