Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize