ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
