At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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