I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
