Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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