She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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