the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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