Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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