lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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