I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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