omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
