Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
