Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
