he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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