I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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