if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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