Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
