My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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