you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
