Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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