I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
