You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
