$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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