Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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