You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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