i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
