the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
