U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So many bounce houses so little time
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
