Where did you get a picture of my penis
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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