we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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